The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
