It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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