Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
