even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
