State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
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No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
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No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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