Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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