I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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