My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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