Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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