could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
