What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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