One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
