so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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