OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
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It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
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Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
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