dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
