you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
