Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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