The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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