I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
