I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Im part way to drunk.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
