if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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