Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
