You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
