i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
