I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
