We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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