Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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