If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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