remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Someone signed my nipple.
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