thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize