that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
