Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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