I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
