what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
