if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
