I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
