Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
