so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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