Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
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