My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
