I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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