from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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