To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
