oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
