its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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