these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
