Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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