you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
