forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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