Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
