I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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