I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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