what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
