yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
