I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
