Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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