eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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