Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
