This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You can't special order awesome
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
