I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
