im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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