Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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