Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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