For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
