I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
