Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
