PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
