the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize