There was a lot of him and a little penis
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
