Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
