Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
