Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
