Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
