he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize