So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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