I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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