Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
