3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
