its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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