dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
