Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Randomize
